After that shooting this week, I didn’t have much to say. I sat at my desk Friday morning bawling, like any self-respecting young woman, and proceeded to fake work until work was over (if anyone from work is reading this, the only thing that will throw me off my game into the realm of fake work is an elementary school shooting. Next time that happens, I’m going home).
Anyways, I still don’t have much to say. Coincidentally today was the day I had scheduled to take the little kids I used to nanny for out for lunch to do our own little “Christmas.” Chase and I spent the morning wrapping presents, then let them (and their adorable new brother) unwrap them, and then we took them to lunch and I spent the afternoon doing crafts and watching Barney with them at our house. I love having them here. They aren’t my family biologically, but as far as I’m concerned we’re family. I can’t be their nanny anymore, but being close to them is really, really, really important to me. It’s a major priority.
The oldest of the two girls is 6, making her exactly the age of the kids that got killed. I thought about it a lot today while playing with her, watching her laugh. And there are just no words. I’ve been remarkably non-hysterical about this since my episode Friday morning (especially compared to my reactions to the Aurora shooting) but I imagine that’s because this one has gone from traumatic to absolute unfathomable hell and I physically can’t cope with it if. So I’ve been listening to “Ronan” on repeat (morbid in my own way, I suppose, but I feel like it’s like listening to songs about heartbreak when you’re heartbroken.. there’s just an empathy there) and have been feeling exhausted – which I’m also blaming on a cold I think I’m fighting – and I’m just all around very defeated by the whole thing.
So I won’t psychoanalyze anything, since this is beyond analysis or comprehension and if I go too deep into it I think I might have a physical nervous breakdown, but I saw this quote by Morgan Freeman on some facebook statuses and I thought it was really, really powerful. I googled it and I guess it’s been debunked as written by him and it was really some guy on Reddit, but anyways I don’t care who it was, I think they made a really great point. So, here that is, and that is all I really know how to say right now about any of this. I love you all, and I hope you’re ok wherever you are and the ones you love are doing well and you can go to bed tonight and not wake up afraid, because there’s nothing we can do but love each other.
“You want to know why. This may sound cynical, but here’s why.
It’s because of the way the media reports it. Flip on the news and watch how we treat the Batman theater shooter and the Oregon mall shooter like celebrities. Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris are household names, but do you know the name of a single *victim* of Columbine? Disturbed
Any articles or news stories yet that focus on the victims and ignore the killer’s identity? None that I’ve seen yet. Because they don’t sell. So congratulations, sensationalist media, you’ve just lit the fire for someone to top this and knock off a day care center or a maternity ward next.
You can help by forgetting you ever read this man’s name, and remembering the name of at least one victim. You can help by donating to mental health research instead of pointing to gun control as the problem. You can help by turning off the news.”